Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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