I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
