you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
