So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
