Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize