The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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