i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
