Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
