She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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