At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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