New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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