You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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