I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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