$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nicole vs. Life
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
