I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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