i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
