so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
