His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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