Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
