wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
