her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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