y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
