It's Friday. Sex?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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