sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
