Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
