He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
