Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
