I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize