Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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