I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and she was petting her beer can
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have tasted many bathrooms
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
