i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
