if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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