fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
