I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
