Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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