I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
