If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
