I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
