I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
