but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
