i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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