We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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