Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
