I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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