life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
