Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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