I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
