When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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