My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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