You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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