I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
