So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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