So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize