Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it because I queefed?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
