He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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