btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
