There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
