nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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