why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize