Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
