I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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