you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
