Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
