I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
