yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
