Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
