You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
